What is Gaslighting at Work?

Gaslighting at work is a manipulative tactic where a person in a position of authority or influence undermines a colleague’s perception of reality. This can involve dismissing their contributions, denying facts, or making them doubt their own experiences and sanity.

For example, a manager might repeatedly criticise an employee’s performance while praising their work to others, creating confusion and self-doubt. It can also be a peer or another employee.  Peer-to-peer gaslighting.  This insidious behaviour aims to weaken the employee’s confidence and control their behaviour, often leading to diminished job satisfaction and increased stress.

Peer-to-Peer Gaslighting

Peer-to-peer gaslighting occurs when colleagues at the same level within an organization engage in manipulative behaviour to undermine each other’s confidence, perceptions, or reality. Unlike hierarchical gaslighting, where a superior targets a subordinate, peer-to-peer gaslighting involves individuals of similar status, which can create a particularly challenging dynamic due to the lack of formal authority to resolve the situation.

In peer-to-peer gaslighting, one colleague might subtly distort the truth, deny past events, or undermine another’s contributions to create confusion and self-doubt. For example, one peer might claim that they never agreed to a shared project’s responsibilities, even though they previously did, or they might spread misleading information about another’s performance or behaviour.

This happened to me at work and it was only when I caught up with a previous employee and we got chatting that I realised the full extent of this person’s manipulation.  It was obvious when reflecting that he was incredibly insecure and incompetent.  He had an inflated ego due to fake flattery from a tolerant manager who couldn’t be bothered to hire someone else – better the devil you know and ‘he’ll do’ attitude.  Toxic leadership unfortunately can shape the whole organisation and sadly, when the rot sets in, there’s only one option, and that’s to get out!

This behaviour can erode trust and morale among team members, making it difficult for those targeted to address or resolve the situation through normal workplace channels. It often requires careful documentation, clear communication with HR or management, and sometimes external intervention to address effectively.

Why do people gaslight?

Gaslighters can come from various backgrounds and roles, and their behaviour isn’t necessarily linked to a specific personality type or demographic. However, there are some common traits and characteristics often found in individuals who engage in gaslighting:

1. Manipulative Tendencies: Gaslighters frequently use manipulation to control others. They may exploit situations to shift blame, create confusion, or maintain power over someone.

2. Lack of Empathy: They often show a limited ability to understand or care about the feelings and experiences of others. This lack of empathy allows them to dismiss or invalidate others’ perspectives.

3. Need for Control: Individuals who gaslight often have a strong need to dominate or control situations and people. They might feel threatened by others’ strengths or achievements and use gaslighting to maintain their own sense of superiority or control.

4. Insecurity: Sometimes, gaslighting stems from the gaslighter’s own insecurities. They might feel threatened by others’ success or confidence and try to undermine them to feel better about themselves.

5. Poor Self-Awareness: Gaslighters might lack self-awareness and fail to recognize the harmful impact of their behaviour on others. This can make it difficult for them to understand or accept that their actions are problematic.

6. Authoritarian Tendencies: In some cases, individuals in positions of power or authority may engage in gaslighting to maintain their control or suppress dissent. This can occur in both professional and personal relationships.

7. Pattern of Behaviour: Gaslighting often involves a consistent pattern of behaviour rather than isolated incidents. Individuals who gaslight typically engage in a recurring set of manipulative actions to achieve their goals.

Understanding these traits can help identify gaslighting behaviour, though it’s important to remember that each situation is unique and might involve a complex mix of motivations and characteristics.

What can you do about it?

If an employee in the UK believes they are being gaslighted by another employee, they have several steps they can take based on employment law and best practices:

1. Document the Behaviour: The employee should meticulously record instances of gaslighting, including dates, times, and specific details of what happened. This documentation can serve as evidence if the situation escalates or requires formal intervention.

2. Review Company Policies: The employee should check their company’s policies on workplace behaviour, harassment, and grievance procedures. Most organisations have guidelines that address such issues and provide a framework for raising concerns.

3. Seek Support: The employee can approach their line manager, HR department, or a trusted colleague for support and advice. It’s important to communicate concerns to someone who can offer guidance or act as a mediator.

4. Raise a Formal Grievance: If an informal resolution doesn’t work or the situation doesn’t improve, the employee can file a formal grievance according to the company’s grievance procedure. This process usually involves submitting a written complaint and might lead to an investigation by the employer.

5. Utilise the Employee Assistance Programme (EAP): If the employer offers an EAP, the employee can seek confidential advice and support. EAPs often provide counselling services and can help manage the emotional impact of workplace issues.

6. Consider Legal Action: If the gaslighting leads to significant emotional distress or a breakdown in working conditions, the employee might consider legal action. They could claim constructive dismissal if they feel forced to resign due to the toxic environment. Additionally, they might explore claims of harassment or discrimination under the Equality Act 2010 if the behaviour is related to protected characteristics like disability.

7. Seek External Advice: Consulting with an employment lawyer or advisor from organisations like ACAS (Advisory, Conciliation and Arbitration Service) can provide further guidance on rights and potential courses of action.

Taking these steps can help an employee address the issue of gaslighting while ensuring they follow proper procedures and protect their rights under UK employment law.