Have you ever found yourself in a situation at work where something felt off, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on it? Maybe it was a manager’s behaviour that made you uncomfortable, but you didn’t feel like you had the power to speak up. You’re not alone.
I once found myself in a similar situation—one that, looking back, clearly fits the definition of gaslighting.
At the time, I didn’t have the language or understanding of the behaviour, but I remember how it made me feel—confused, uncomfortable, and vulnerable. Now, I realise that what I experienced wasn’t just a bad interaction; it was an example of toxic management.
My purpose for sharing this story is not only to highlight how insidious gaslighting can be in the workplace but also to offer insight into how you can recognise and deal with it, especially if you’re in a vulnerable position.
A Toxic Environment in Disguise
This story takes place many years ago when I was temping in a large manufacturing company. At the time, I had yet to establish myself in the workforce, and I was still learning the ropes of working in a corporate environment. I was eager to prove myself, but I lacked the credibility and confidence I would develop later in my career.
The manager I reported to appeared approachable at first—someone who shared a bit of office banter seemed friendly and made an effort to interact with the team. However, it quickly became clear that he wasn’t as professional or trustworthy as he seemed. On reflection, there were early warning signs of a much deeper problem—subtle but undeniable signs of inappropriate behaviour, which I missed at the time. Looking back, I now recognize how easily toxic behaviour can be hidden behind a façade of charm and wit.
What I didn’t know then, but would later learn, was that this manager was involved in some serious misconduct. He was using company resources to view inappropriate material, claiming excessive overtime, and generally abusing his position. Even when confronted by HR and given a second chance, he continued his troubling behaviour and was eventually dismissed. However, his most damaging behaviour was yet to come.
The Subtlety of Gaslighting in the Workplace
Gaslighting in the workplace is often subtle and difficult to recognise in real time. It can involve managers or colleagues manipulating situations, making employees feel like their feelings, perceptions, or experiences are wrong. They might use emotional tactics, like guilt-tripping, to deflect blame or avoid accountability for their own behaviour. Over time, this can erode confidence, leave employees feeling isolated, and cause them to second-guess themselves.
In my case, it wasn’t an isolated incident. Gaslighting can be part of a wider pattern of abuse or dysfunction within an organization, particularly when there are power imbalances or when vulnerable groups (like temp workers, new employees, or those in lower-level positions) are involved. Unfortunately, when you’re in that vulnerable position, it can feel impossible to speak up. You’re unsure who to turn to, how to prove what’s happening, or even if anyone would believe you.
A Personal Experience of Gaslighting
One particular incident stands out to me as a prime example of gaslighting—though I didn’t know it at the time. After a disagreement with this manager, he handled the situation poorly and unprofessionally. The situation left me feeling upset and unsettled, but what happened next was even more unsettling.
It was my turn to get refreshments for the team, and while I was in the kitchen, this manager crept up behind me and whispered in my ear. The act itself made me jump in shock, but it was what followed that really made me uneasy. He claimed to be having a bad day due to the anniversary of a family loss. At face value, it might sound like he was opening up, seeking empathy. However, I now realise it was nothing more than a manipulation tactic—designed to make me feel guilty for being uncomfortable.
His words weren’t meant to build rapport or help me understand his situation. Instead, they were crafted to make me feel responsible for his behaviour. It was gaslighting at its core—he distorted the reality of the situation to make me question my response and feel bad about his inappropriate actions. The worst part was that I felt ashamed and embarrassed to even acknowledge how uncomfortable I was. I didn’t know how to respond or how to protect myself. I was just a temp, with no job security or protection, and I feared the consequences of speaking out.
Why are we seeing an increase in cases…
The recent rise in historical cases being exposed reflects a significant cultural shift toward accountability, transparency, and the empowerment of those who have been silenced for so long. It’s not just about the courage to speak up; it’s also about creating an environment where victims feel safe to do so.
I do think many women, like myself, feel the same reasons for not coming forward at the time: shame, vulnerability, fear of job insecurity, or the pressure to “let it go” to avoid conflict. These feelings are not uncommon, especially in workplaces where power dynamics are at play. In situations like mine, where someone is in a position of authority or influence, the fear of retaliation or being dismissed as “overreacting” often keeps people quiet. Additionally, there’s also the societal stigma around addressing uncomfortable or inappropriate behaviour, which makes victims question if they should speak out at all.
The fact that we’re now seeing more of these incidents being exposed is largely due to a combination of societal movements like #MeToo, increased awareness of workplace harassment, and the creation of safer reporting channels. With more women and marginalized voices being heard, there’s a shift away from victim-blaming and a greater emphasis on supporting those who come forward. This has created a ripple effect, encouraging others to speak up, knowing they won’t be alone.
How to Recognise and Address Gaslighting
So, what can you do if you find yourself in a similar situation? First, trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, it probably is. Don’t brush off your discomfort or guilt. Your feelings are valid, and you don’t have to accept manipulative behaviour.
Here are a few tips to help you navigate gaslighting in the workplace:
- Document the Behaviour: Keep a record of any inappropriate incidents—dates, times, what was said or done. This will give you evidence to support your claims if you decide to report it.
- Trust Your Perceptions: Gaslighting often involves making you question your own experiences. If you feel uncomfortable, it’s because you have a right to be.
- Seek Support: If possible, talk to a trusted colleague, HR, or a mentor about the situation. Sometimes, discussing it with someone else can help you gain clarity.
- Know Your Rights: Even if you’re in a temporary role, you deserve to be treated with respect. Research your rights as an employee and the reporting procedures within the company.
- For Leaders: Preventing Gaslighting in Your Organization. As a leader, it’s essential to create a workplace culture where employees feel safe and respected. Gaslighting is not just a personal issue; it’s a professional and organizational one. Here are a few steps leaders can take to prevent gaslighting:
- Promote Transparency and Communication: Foster an environment where employees feel comfortable raising concerns without fear of retaliation.
- Provide Training: Train managers and HR staff to recognise the signs of gaslighting and to respond appropriately.
- Ensure Fairness: Employees should feel confident that inappropriate behaviour will be addressed fairly and consistently.
Looking back, I realise that my experience wasn’t just an isolated bad encounter—it was a powerful lesson in recognising toxic behaviour. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that distorts reality and can cause lasting damage to individuals and organisations.
By sharing this story, I hope to encourage those who find themselves in similar situations to trust their instincts, find the courage, seek support, and address or report. No one should feel powerless in the face of inappropriate behaviour, no matter their position.
If you’re struggling with navigating a challenging workplace or handling difficult interactions, consider seeking coaching or support. It’s possible to regain your confidence and take control of your career development. Remember, your well-being and professional integrity are worth standing up for. Contact ACAS for advice and guidance.
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